The school year is nearing...and all the normal end of the year activities are coming up...I'm looking forward to them and I'm not. I'm ready to be done with classes and class work, but I'm not ready to be done with Stillwater. I'm not ready to say goodbye to it all... It makes me sad. I'm already emotional this week. I think Im just tired.

I can definitely tell that I am growing up. Things that I wanted...tbc

I've learned alot about people lately...I mean you think you really know them and then you find out you are WRONG!  I mean how do you tell someone to get the hell away from you without hurting their feelings? Wait no, it's not that you really care about hurting their feelings, its everyone else gets pissy about it and thinks you are a bitch, when really you do have a valid reason for wanting to stay away from someone. Is it better to just be fake around that person and slap on that smile and act like everythings okay and go through life with them thinking that you are a good friend of theirs when deep down you despise them. See thats what I think is wrong...its shady. I'd rather just be like 'I don't like you, get over it..' but then, people think that I'm 'attacking' this person, i really can't win, i guess fake smile it is.

Its like whatever you don't want to be around, follows you...you can't get away from it. These people i speak of, I have made a firm decision and attempts at distancing but THEY ARE EVERYWHERE! They're like little ants...(side note: have you ever noticed that ants smell like watermelon when you smash them? try it). They are around my friends, they are in my classes, they are at the sporting events, when I try to do my work, they are ALWAYS there, with no REAL reason to be..., i can't even get any work done. When I hear them, i feel nauseous, when I think about it, I feel sick...

Moms are good things. I've had a couple epitomy's about myself this weekend, yes a couple. It's nice to talk to someone who knows yourself better than you do sometimes. Its good to realize things about yourself, even if you don't really want to hear it. One thing I realized was about a recent person in relation to myself. Although at the time I really wanted it to work out, it didn't..and PRAISE GOD it didn't. It was totally wrong, I would ahve been miserable, I REALLY dodged a bullet there, a bullet with ALOT of baggage. I also realized that I looked down on this person. I thought i was better than them and they would be SO lucky to have me...that's terrible...But I really did think that. I probably would have resented that person and ended up really hurting them in the end. Something else I learned about myself I should just let out, but Im not ready to say...

Everyone has self-esteem issues. We all just deal with it in different ways. In my opinion no way is worse than any other. I don't really like the way I've chosen to deal with it. But I guess the second step to fixing the problem is realizing what it is, the first realizing that you have a one. People can be so blind, and maybe not by accident but intentionally. They see what they want to see. It's not our place to make others see what we see right? If we see this monstrous, lying, cheating, manipulative person that someone is, but others refuse to see it. And ask them for help in the VERY thing they cheat at and lie at. And join in on the VERY activity that they accused you of...I guess what hurts the most is that you trusted them and their loyalty and they didnt give you that in return.

So I'm kinda really bummed about things right now...I don't like the way everything is going in my life and there's not a whole lot I can do about it and it's frustrating. I feel like I need to run away and camp out in my little hidey hole for a while. I'm not enjoying the people I'm around right now, so I guess the solution is to not be around them. Also found out that one of my managers at work doesn't like me because she thinks i dont like her...o...k...that's great.

Im so sick of guys and girls and the whole guy/girl thing. Especially when they are around each other and are all aah-la-laa and I need a cuddle buddy...I think I'm going to throw up literally. I mean WHO is really that desperate. it makes me sick. I really hope that I don't act like that, if I do just slap me, its disgusting and pathetic.

I'm just really sick of one person in general. I don't like you, get over it. Leave me alone. I kicked their car today...yeh I know it sounds childish but, it felt good...like a small victory for me. I know its mean but, I kinda wish they would fall of the face of the planet...well at least as far as I'm concerned.

I'm also having a hard time understanding people right now. Like what they do and why they do them...like when they say one thing and do another. I don't get it. Or do stuff they don't mean. Not like little things, I mean substantial things. I'm not going to expand on this...

Oops! Haha. I just stopped myself from dancing to my iPOD in the office. Sometimes I just don't notice these things. Oh Dang! I just did it again. Maybe, I need to not listen to music, or just not rap haha. I can't help it....

So WOW! I had a pretty eventful weekend. Bowl game, road trip, wedding, poster project, new year's, crazy picture adventure, you name it, I did it...and IM TIRED... BUT I only have like 2 days left of work (and someone just made some popcorn, damn you) THEN back to school! Rock on. I saw so many of my friends this weekend it was great. I'll tell you about them:
1 Friend- Wanted to strangle
1 Friend- Shocked me, a couple of times
4 Friends- Really really missed
1 Friend- Never fails to entertain me
2 Friends- Never change
Thats about it, I'm sure you know who you are oh, maybe I will do one of those quiz things, because I am bored at work...haha, I think I will

Who is your best friend?
Who's the one person that knows most about you?
What's the best advice that anyone has ever given to you?
Your favourite inside joke?
Thing you're picked on most about?
Who's your longest known friend?
Newest?
Shyest?
Funniest?
Sweetest?
Closest?
Weirdest?
Smartest?
Ditziest?
Friends you miss being close to the most?
Last person you talked to online?
Who do you talk to most online?
Who are you on the phone with most?
Who do you trust most?
Who listens to your problems?
Who do you fight most with?
Who's the nicest?
Who's the most outgoing?
Who's the best singer?
Who's on your shit-list?
Have you ever thought of having sex with a friend?
Who's your second family?
Do you always feel understood?
Who's the loudest friend?
Do you trust others easily?
Who's house were you last at?
Name one person who's arms you feel safe in:
Do your friends know you?

Is it really the most wonderful time of the year?

I somewhat forgot what office work was like and how old it makes me feel.

So i was having a bad day on Monday, and I decided to take a break in the afternoon and take a walk. I was going to walk out to my car and plug my cell phone in, because I left my phone charger in Stillwater (so if I don't talk to you guys, you know why). Well anyway, I start to walk out and go towards the elevators and I see someone I worked with last summer waiting for the elevators and I kept walking like I was going down the hall to avoid the awkward elevator ride and small talk. So I get in the stairs and I'm like ok I'll just walk down the stairs I mean I could use the exercise and its down anyway so yeh. Did I forget to mention that BSW lives on the 8th floor...Well I get down to the very bottom (because there is no door on the 1st floor) and the door out says emergency exit only. I said screw that I just walked down 8+ flights of stairs, so I proceed to open the door alarm or not and *CLUNK* it won't open....so yes I had to hike back up to the 8th floor. Why didn't you just get off on another floor you ask? Because every floor is a different company (we have 7 & 8) OH and they are all key card access. So after that little 'break' I still took the elevator and walked out to my car in my frustration...

Bowl game in a week...OH BOY. I really cannot wait. I'm pretty giddy about it. Not only do I kinda get to take a mini vaca, I get to see my friends...MISS YOU GUYS! Plus Christmas on Monday haha. Then Cici is going to come to town for New Year's, I need to call her...YAY! Then back to school! Yes, I know I shouldn't be excited for school to start again. I wasn't really ready for it to end. Now don't get me wrong I was ready for the classes to end especially Studio, but I wasn't really ready to leave yet. Well, I should go. MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!